This Kinda Day

• I'm having a lazy just wanna eat Kabuki and watch TV all day kinda day.
• I'm having a I wanna wash my hair, but I don't because it's natural and I don't understand it kinda day
• I'm having a why haven't I heard from her yet today kinda day
• I'm having a thinking about her and trying not to think of dateline kind of day
• I'm having a why is that other girl so indifferent kinda day
• I'm having a I want to finish this work, but I don't want to put the effort into it kinda day/week/year
• I'm having a non Leo day
• I'm having a go to the gym with PJ's on kinda day
• I'm having a "why am I so indifferent today?" kinda day
• I'm having a why can't Mary in the counseling department get her mother-in-law to make more caramel cake for me to eat kinda day!!!
• I'm having a "you know they lyin when they say they a vegetarian too" kinda day
• I'm having a lets all be honest and everyone tell the truth (even to ourselves) kinda day
• I'm having a need to put on lotion... but kinda don't feel like it... but tired of bein ashy kinda day
• I'm having a thank the Lord Daddy's in remission and everything is gonna be ok.... for now... kinda day
• I'm having a closed book.... open mind kinda day

Cause you know Crack is Wack.... or is it?

Is it just me or do McDonalds Chocolate chip cookies seem to have crack in them?

They're so great and they make.... like MAKE me have several!

I need to investigate this one!

New Friend Requested and Accepted!

I seem to have made a brand new friend. She's cool, funny, easy on the eyes, and will call you out in a heartbeat.... The only problem so far is (of course there would be a problem!) she's a yank and lives miles and miles away!
Our lives and journeys seem to be somewhat parallel. She's going through a tragedy i'm only a few years ahead of her on. A tragedy that no one our age should have to face. But we are. I'm hoping that she keeps the positive light that i've seen in her even after death has completely set in and hustle and bustle of realization sets in.
Her memory is actually better than mine! That's very hard to come by. Her values seem to be like mine. She will call you out on your crap with no questions asked and no hesitation. I really like that. The script has been flipped. I'm usually the caller outer!
I like that she says she's game for anything. That's hard to find. I love that she values honesty! That's definitely a trait hard to find.
I see her as becoming a wonderful friend...
Oh yeah and i'm sure you're thinking this is Meagan Good... she is my new friend... but we have yet to talk on the phone because i have yet to get her number! Darn you sleepiness!

Strangest Dream EVER.... Or at least of the Week.

I'm in Mobile. I'm at.... lets call her Lee... Lee's house. She's cut her hair really short. I'm in the kitchen trying to make toast in the microwave. She comes in and we try to find jelly. She's eaten ALL the peanut butter, but offers me the jar as if I can scrape out the last bits. I then try to wash dishes... something I rarely do. She then proceeds to tell me to stop. Weirded out I say, "OK." Lee decides it's time for a snack.. She sees some cheezits, or goldfish, or something orange on the table. Lee thinks, hmmm. For some odd reason she decides to eat the orange goodness with her toes. Like she's standing there, eating the snack with one friggin foot! WTF? And dream Apryl (that's me) says, "I can do that too." Only I don't.
Then we're magically in a car. A car with a scale. I decide to weigh myself. I ask Lee not to look. I've gained five pounds. She laughs at me. I scream, "I told you not to look!"
Next, she's replaced by Ellen Degeneres.
I wonder what this means...

She Thinks i'm an idiot!

This girl that I dated really thinks i'm an idiot....
She thinks it's ok to lie to me... who thinks that low of someone that it's ok to blatantly lie?
She told me she wasn't ready to be in a relationship... but here she is... in a relationship and writing about it. Trying to mask it as if it were something else. But apparently it's Bliss.
I too am not ready for a relationship.... But I am ready for the truth!
She thinks I'm some kind of idiot.... Ok i'll admit, i'm not the best at spelling. But still!!!!!
I knew she wasn't being truthful with me but I gave her the benefit of the doubt.
I have to realize that just because I'm truthful with the world, that doesn't mean the world will be truthful with me.
I need to change my expectations of people.

Gettin it Togetha!

I'm trying to get my life together... one ticket at a time. I don't know how i let myself get so many friggin tickets! I should've cried when the cop came over.
I'm trying to have a new outlook on things.
My life consists of going to work, taking care of my dad, and trying to make myself go to the gym! (but of course there's eating, pooping, and tv/internet time in there somewhere)
I need a change.
I feel too big for my britches here in Alabama.... using the word britches does not mean i might just be too country to leave Alabama. It just means that i enjoy some of the jargon!
Where should I move?
I NEED MORE FRIENDS!!!!

I GIVE UP

I completely give up. I don't think it's possible for me to find anymore love. I think I met my quota with all the love that my ex and I had. My quota for a lifetime.

I quit.... I quit on the idea of love. Soul mates are a false hope. Finding love is an idea for those who love novelties. I don't. I give up.

Love to Hate... Hate to Love

Since I've been Single in the City, I've been trying to find someone to almost alleviate my boredom. Or at least alleviate my brain from thoughts of her. But every time I think I've found someone I've lost them. I can't trust anyone.
The liars are abound. And it seems that everyone is in this crazy thing called life, for themselves. I don't think other people realize that no matter how big and bad my persona is, I'm still a person with feelings. My feelings can get hurt just as easily as anyone else's.

I thought I'd found my Ms. Right now.... I found someone else's Mrs. Right. She made me believe that we were so in sync... but really she was just Justin Timberlake waiting for a better deal to come along.
She was just like me.... only not. She liked everything I liked... only she didn't. She was special and I thought she got me... Until she didn't.
I was left wondering why, and on to the next conquest for support.... For support of my loneliness.
It makes me scared to even like someone again, because I know the outcome.
She thinks i'm someone that i'm not.
I think I love her and I hate it. I think I hate her sometimes, and I love that! I don't know what to think. I know I need to get her out of my life because she might be toxic for me.

First blog, the name is about my getting off the ledge... and i happen to be a vegetarian and a lezzie/Lez-Bi-On! Although i'm not too fond of being called that. I wish there was a new name for women who like women.
Maybe friendster.. who cares that it's used for something else. I call it!

Is it just me or is anyone a little sick of Balloon Boy? Especially since he wasn't actually in an effin balloon?!? I'm glad the dad got called out. If he were smarter he would've called 911 before the local media! Arse!

Well hopefully this blog will keep my feelings out and me from the ledge. A breakup from an engagement to the person that i thought was my world put me up there. Now it's just me.... And I feel like it's me against the world.